Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Moon

A little piece i composed on the way home from a friend, not quite happy with it but it'll do for now.

One should strive to be more like the moon

The sun burns hot
The stars are cold and distant
The clouds darken the sky
Nobody ever complains about the moon

We dance in the moonlight
shining into the dark corners
Telling untold stories

Edit: The last verse sucked, removed

A tribute

Found this nice little piece on a group at Facebook, aptly named "A Tribute to the nice guys". Alot of it fits me regardless of how hard I try not to be too nice.

Here goes:
"This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage of them once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars and parties as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is just fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. Many girls claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date" or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me" or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!" or “you’re more like a brother to me" or the most frustrating of all: “no, that could ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, and your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you."

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Personality type ENTP

I recently found a personaliy type test(swedish) online that was quite spot on. I got ENTP and one part really made me think "hey, it's me they're writing about here

"Following through on the implementation of an idea is usually a chore to the ENTP. For some ENTPs, this results in the habit of never finishing what they start. The ENTP who has not developed their Thinking process will have problems with jumping enthusiastically from idea to idea, without following through on their plans."

I usually have like 3-4 new cool projects i almost can't wait to get started on so when I've done, at most, a proof-of-concept or something like it I move on to the next one.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Screw fate

My previous motto in life has been "You should feel that you'r alive" but that's kind of defeatist, don't know if that's a word, if it isn't it should be. It is a good motto when the world seem to have decided to make your life a bit more hellish than for the rest, a roll-with-the-punches-motto. However these last months I've been feeling really good and I think it might be time to change it to something better, more positive. A while ago I spoke to Anders on a bus and he said something that has stuck with me ever since, "Don't live with broken windows". It's more of a fixer motto that seems more suitable to the "new" me so I'm now officially changing :)

That doesn't have that much to do with fate, a little but not the main reason i chose that title for this post. I've had a falling out with a previously very good friend of mine, sad but I felt like "if he/she doesn't want to spend time with me, it's his/hers loss" and spent my time with other people. It kept hanging around at the back of my head even though I tried getting rid of it so in the new "dutt the fixer"-style I decided to do something about it instead of just feeling sad about loosing a friend. It was a real eye opener to see it from the other persons side, after we had talked about it for a quite a while it turned out to be quite different reasons than I imaged was the cause of the split. When the talk was coming to and end it felt good and I hope we can pick it up again, he/she is a cool person I really enjoyed hanging out with before we had our falling out. I felt that justified the chosen title :)

That's leading me to another point, my stuttering has shaped me (...of course it has, we are formed by our experiences) but It's only this last year or so I've begun to realise another part of how it makes me different from other people. When you have been scared half to death to speak at all for most of your life it simply can't get that much worse so I don't feel particularly worried about talking about tough things like breaking up with somebody or confronting a person about what they actually feel and think about a subject that is very personal to both me and them. This doesn't apply to other persons, I'm still trying to build a kind of mental model how other people view talking about these subjects because it's alot different from my own, I can't guess their reaction based on what I think would be my own which makes it harder. Another thing I've come to realise is that I don't know squat about myself and how I really react when it comes down to it. I've stopped guessing how I'm going to react in hard situations because so far most of my guesses about my own behaviour have been wrong anyway.

Friday, July 04, 2008


These last few weeks I've begun jogging 5km almost everyday and it's incredibly relaxing for the mind, it's a form of meditation that suits me. Occupying the body with some repetetive task so the mind is free to wander. Yesterday I had to catch up on flexitime, I overslept on wednesday so I lost 3 hours, which meant I ended up working 12 hours straight. After that my brain felt kind of like something run over by a bulldozer but when I had finished my 5km it was almost back to normal again, I felt quite good.

I feel I'm getting the hang of this climbing thing, my fingers doesn't get tired after five minutes anymore, now I can climb up and down a few times, getting the hang of the basic technique. Still loads of fun :)

Later this summer/autumn I think i'm going to take up real yoga, went a few times before but had to stop because of lack of time, but now I've got some time again so I think i'll take it up, it's incredibly relaxing, they used to have it on saturdays 11-12 and I don't think I know a better way to start a weekend.